I mentioned last month that my mother wasn’t doing well. Unfortunately, she passed away. I’m lucky that I was able to be there at the end. Her health ordeals over the last six months have been sad, frustrating, and ultimately, a life lesson for me. I try to keep these updates light and fun. I’m not feeling it right now. But let me share some of those life lessons I’ve picked up as I walked these last months with my mother.
GET RID OF “STUFF”: I know, an author, someone trying to sell you books, is saying to get rid of stuff. Ironic. What I mean is this. Keep what you love, what you need, and what you use. We don’t need much “stuff” to get through our days or to bring us joy. And in the end, how much of our stuff ends up being someone else’s responsibility to deal with? I find myself sifting through a lot of my mother’s belongings, not knowing what she would want me to do with it. Should I sell it? Donate it? Give it to a particular relative? My family doesn’t have a lot of instruction here, which is added stress and work in a time of loss. I haven’t really had the chance to grieve because dealing with what’s left of my mother’s life without a roadmap is keeping me from having the quiet time I need to properly mourn her. Frankly, it doesn’t seem real that she’s gone. Her absence hasn’t hit me. It probably won’t until I return home.
MAKE A PLAN: This has to do with all that stuff. If you keep it, make a plan for it. Write that plan down. You can even act on that plan while you’re still around. Got a tea set you don’t use but want to give to a niece who loves tea? Give it to them now; you’ll get to see their joy in real time while you’re both still around. Even better, make a will. Set up a trust. Do whatever it is to give your family the ability to handle your estate with ease. This provides your loved ones clear, legal guidance and gives them space to breathe, mourn you, and celebrate your life while also carrying out your wishes. No one wants to go through probate on top of losing you.
DON’T IGNORE DEPRESSION: No one is safe from depression, something I’ve learned personally. If you even think you need help, seek it out. If you think a family member needs help, gently encourage them to get it. I firmly believe my mother fell into depression because she was someone always on the go, who prided herself on her independence. Finding herself non-ambulatory, stuck in a bed, and completely dependent on others put her in a dark place, and she ended up too depressed to do the physical therapy that would have gotten her out of that bed. I have no idea whether she would’ve lived longer, but being in bed all day certainly hastened her death.
I’m sure I could think of more, but my brain isn’t “braining,” as I like to say. In the meantime, hug your friends and loved ones, and go read a book. 📚
